…One More Time: Principles and practices of mate selection in humansPosted: December 30, 2012
The degree and manner of young people’s mate-selection behaviors depend on the degree and manner of their information of the persons and processes involved. This information is a factor of the behaviors of the persons involved, and it is those behaviors that determine the processes.
Many Fundamentalist Christians today are under the impression that the reason young people in the unfallen world would have had no sin in the matter of mate selection is because unfallen young people would willingly be in submission to their parents regarding mate selection. In other words, unfallen young people would be sinless in sexual matters by virtue of possessing the restraint which young people in the fallen world so often lack. But, this impression presupposes, at least in effect-and-sentiment, that the socio-sexual dynamic which is most natural to humans was not designed by God, but is directly and inherently wicked.
This sentiment, on the part of parents and other elders, naturally drives young people toward the very things which then seem to prove the truth of the sentiment. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. So, normal young people, under such a burden, tend to choose whatever combination of these two damnations which they individually can best abide. Some parents tend to be vicarious, but others end up being vicarious by their very non-vicariousness. You can’t win, and you can’t lose, unless someone in position of authority says so: “I shall encourage everything before it’s time, for sake of my own naive good will, but I reserve the right to say no if it all goes to hell.” Too late, you fool. Too late every time. There is no honor to prophets in their own city; and no one, on any side, has any true knowledge, nor any true culture, left.
In a socially and physically unfallen world, young people’s God-given nature as socio-sexual beings would not have found disharmony, thus would not have had any need of civil restraint. But, in the fallen world, this restraint is necessary—like all civil government—to prevent the unwholesome disharmonies which result without it.
The reason these unwholesome disharmonies result is because the fallen world is one of disharmony in the states-and-processes between, and within, every thing. By contrast, the reason the unfallen world would have had none of these unwholesome disharmonies is not because of civil restraint, but because civil restraint was unnecessary. [not to do with general human nature as God created it, nor with human socio-sexual ] The unfallen world would have been in total, natural harmony within itself, including each person within him- and her-self physically and spiritually, and each person and group with others, and with the ground, and with all other life on the planet.
But, in the present, fallen world of disharmony, there is a need to work not just for basic material wants (other than, say, atmospheric pressure, gravity, and breathable air), but for social and socio-economic harmony. This means that only a mentally and physically mature, and socially and materially wise, person is able to sustain the costs of supporting and defending self, mate, and any eventual children.
So, in the present world, when, either for cultural or age reasons, young people lack critical cautionary information regarding mate selection, their selection behaviors tend to lack the civil restraint required to establish key compatibilities, maturity, and wisdom, which together, aside from rare luck, are what constitute a stable foundation for engaging socio-sexually (as ‘sweethearts’ ‘dating’, etc.).
The social dimension of the human parent-child relationship is primarily for fostering the social half of the immature human. And, this is for future relation to a mate, and for future parenthood.
Parenthood is a product of the totality of the human creature as a social-sexual being. But, in the fallen world, people easily can get the impression that conception is most essentially an inconvenience. But, many people even today know that conception is essentially an ultimatum directly of the attraction between mates, not something opposed to their attraction by the burden it poses on the biological parents and their community. Children, as such, are not a burden. Fallen children in a fallen world are, with the emphases on the ‘fallen’.
As in the beginning, so even in the fallen world: the matter of long-term harmony in a potential marriage ought to be inspired by a consideration of the full range of natural mate-love. But, even as they were created in the beginning, so much more in the fallen world: the validity of a potential marriage ought not to be established by way of sexual attraction. This is because, even as it was in the beginning, such attraction normally has sufficient power to tend to itself. And, in the fallen world, in which there usually is anxiety to obtain a mate in the first place, the dynamic of that attraction is not a reliable guide to long-lasting love, or to commitment. Commitment is not an instinct, regardless how much it may be motivated by instinct. Commitment is a civil act in face of burden.
The ‘harmony’ of mutual romantic attraction is not at issue when it does exist. And, it normally is not the real issue for a potential couple even when one of the pair is met with a lesser or non-existent interest from the other. While it is natural for the more attracted person to use their own attractiveness to try to inspire an attraction in another, such behavior is not civilized. [manipulate, natural thing for the more attracted person to do in such disparities, is not the civilized thing.
When their continually naive efforts meet too much negative experience, most young people adopt as wisdom whatever ‘lowest common denominator’ they individually can tolerate given both the positive and negative potentials of pairing behaviors. And, not all of them have an equally low denominator.
In the fallen world, what needs tending are the deeper things upon the harmony of which the requisitely civil union ultimately depends.
Seven young men consecutively fostered the heart of, then rejected-for-‘someone-better’, a certain young woman named Andrea.
I was the eighth young man, though I never fostered her heart. Her good Christian parents had naively wished I had, since it’s only natural. Me, Superman, in their world of natural kryptonite. A world they didn’t know was so naturally bad, partly because they had no concept that a Superman can be injured at all, much less by what to themselves in their non-super-ness is a harmless green rock.
“This is Mission Control. All systems are Go.”
Not if I’m flying this thing!
In terms of a legacy of progress and its necessary civil moderation, no rat ever won the Rat Race. Marx, Rand, and everyone in between, are all idiots!